Well it has been quite a while since I have updated this blog. Things have been busy a bit and part of me was not sure what to say. I am not running out on stuff just felt kind of a bit lazy you can say. I know shame on me right?
Well a few days ago I turned 25, and felt a bit old saying that. Blah. On the bright side being 24 there were some highs and lows, but God was great through it all. For that I am thankful. :) Part of me wonders what would being 25 be like? Would this be the year I might have my first girl friend? Would this be the year where Carolina Panthers will do better? I wonder what new adventures and adversity await for being 25. I mean 24 felt a bit different and more challenging of a year than 23. So I am excited again to see what being 25 has instore. :)
I do have a semi-new truck waiting for me (Felicia) which I am quite excited about. I heard she is a big girl (big truck) so really excited to see her in person. :) The plan is only use the Truck during tim back within summer break then toss it into storage a month later (dad will). Thus when the day comes for me to leave Alaska, and I will be living somewhere else, the truck will still be a bit young and dependable. :) After all I was blessed enough to pay for it cash, did not have to take out any loans. But my saving sure did take a hit. But with time I will resave back up. The though stands is that if I do not have a girl within 2 years, I might get a Mustang GT. Only God knows the future and that is a good thing too. :)
Also, a month from now I should be home I believe, that is kind of exciting. I do enjoy my job, but I do miss civilization. I do miss hanging around with people my age and talking. I miss some of the restaurants. :( Oh how I am looking forward to be having Buffalo chicken wings. lol. I am looking forward to be helping out around the house. Especially cutting the grass and washing the vehicles. :)
Spiritually, I am feeling, I am doing pretty good. I am in the book of Leviticus. I am trying to take things slow studying the books of the Pentateuch and just allowing God to work within me what He wants to do.
Well, I hope everybody is having a great day when reading this. :)
Blessings,
Anthony :)
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
from her eyes: a prostitute's perspective
from her eyes: a prostitute's perspective
This is from a friend that is being used by God in powerful way. My heart goes out to these kind of women. Wondered what made them really to get into this industry? How can they be rescued out of it. I know God can save them!
This is from a friend that is being used by God in powerful way. My heart goes out to these kind of women. Wondered what made them really to get into this industry? How can they be rescued out of it. I know God can save them!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Just saying
I know many people that read my entries, some of them might sound a bit of helpless romantic. I might be a bit yeah, but thing is I am not the kind of guy that wants to rush into a relationship. I do believe within everything it should start as friends and within that friendship God is the center of it. Within time if they really like each other then go for it. I disagree with society's view point of fast food like relationships.
I want the relationship be taken care of like a big turkey dinner. It takes quite a bit of time and energy to the whole thing but it is more filling and substancial. But it is time that you two really get to know each other. There will be times of joy you will grow closer to God and each other. Also, there will be hard times but through the hard times it will allow us to grow closer to God and to each other.
I hope I am making much sense... maybe so or maybe not.
Till next time.
-Anthony
I want the relationship be taken care of like a big turkey dinner. It takes quite a bit of time and energy to the whole thing but it is more filling and substancial. But it is time that you two really get to know each other. There will be times of joy you will grow closer to God and each other. Also, there will be hard times but through the hard times it will allow us to grow closer to God and to each other.
I hope I am making much sense... maybe so or maybe not.
Till next time.
-Anthony
Friday, April 8, 2011
Not giving up
A friend wrote to me that they just want to give up on love and everybody is a fake. This was my response back. It is a bit scattered writings a bit, I have to admit. lol. But hey at least I did not do the normal Christian thing writing, well I will pray for you and keep your head up.
Not true...and I am sorry you feel that way, I might not totally understand what you are writing about because I do not know the situation. Hence I will try and not say I understand what you are going through because I do not.
I believe in love and it does hold together and does not whither away. Though I will admit I kind of wonder where is that girl out there for me, but I know there is more to love than just guy and girl. People might say what about saying love for money, ah but when you think of it is it really pure? When I think of love I will have to compare it to 1 Corinthians 13. Write more about that a bit later.
What happens is that we do live in a fallen world, and the after affects of it is there. We do want to seek somebody genuine out there. But always know that, there will be some flaws in others, just as much there are flaws in us. I will admit I am not Mr. Perfect. I am far from it.
Not everybody is a fake, sometimes people though do not say the full truth because they do not know how other people will react. They do not want to feel vulnerable again. To feel rejection, because when we feel rejection it does hurt. I cry many of times. We as humans, we want to know and have some type of control. But in love there is no selfish control.
Love is an inward motivation and outward reflection especially in 1 Corinthians 13. I am not some love doctor, I might not totally understand love. But that is okay because I want my actions over all to reflect Christ's teaching. It is hard, I will not deny it, I can not do it on my own but need the Holy Spirit to do the mending, the molding and the guiding. But do not expect a non-Christian to totally understand love, though it has been a debatable topic especially at my college. But when there Holy Spirit is there molding a believer they are something different. Even we as Christians I know do not have it all right at times. Sometimes our motivates were not be hurtful but our actions were. Thus I do believe that is when we need to feel more close with the Spirit so He can point that out to us.
I refuse to give up on love. Especially when I was told am I not attractive, or smart enough. You can have all the great physical features, but to have a heart of gold and is selfless that is something rare.
To me Love to me is sticking by a person when everything is going down the drain. Love is delighting in hearing great news and celebrating with them. Love is to show compassion to others who are in need. Love is when someone says mean things, that you do not but respond with words of hope and compassion. I might not have it completely right though, I am again not a perfect guy.
I refuse to give up on love. I know what it feels like to be lonely and just nobody cares but I have felt God's presence to make me feel I am not alone. I am an only child and do not have much of a family right now, whatever is left of them I do love them. But I have felt his love encourage my heart to move on even when I feel it is so vulnerable and hurt. I think of Christ's sacrifice and how that was out of love for humanity. He could of had angels to save him, but did not.
Also, I have seen how God provided people in my life to encourage me.
About giving you heart, yeah it does stink to open yourself to be vulnerable like that. This goes back I remember what Rob Bell wrote in his book Sex God--chapter she ran into the bathroom. He wrote that when we feel heart broken, God understands that feeling. He reaches out to humanity with a cure to save them, but many of them want to continue drinking the poison that hurts them. Here is God saying, I love you and want have a relationship with again, lets fix this brokeness, some again go to God, others will run off crying.
Love gives people a choice, if we do not give people a choice then it is not true love. It is a choice that person makes not me, love gives people that power control, you do not hold it yourself.
I hope some of this makes sense, maybe it does, maybe it does not. I am not perfect or sometype of a love doctor. I refuse to give in to what society thinks about love (all about physical attraction). I refuse to become a male that looks a female just as an object to fill his craving. I want to be different, I want to be the change. I might not get it right at times with words I say to help others or might not have experience like those have with relationships. But I want to be the difference that gives God the glory. I will try
Not true...and I am sorry you feel that way, I might not totally understand what you are writing about because I do not know the situation. Hence I will try and not say I understand what you are going through because I do not.
I believe in love and it does hold together and does not whither away. Though I will admit I kind of wonder where is that girl out there for me, but I know there is more to love than just guy and girl. People might say what about saying love for money, ah but when you think of it is it really pure? When I think of love I will have to compare it to 1 Corinthians 13. Write more about that a bit later.
What happens is that we do live in a fallen world, and the after affects of it is there. We do want to seek somebody genuine out there. But always know that, there will be some flaws in others, just as much there are flaws in us. I will admit I am not Mr. Perfect. I am far from it.
Not everybody is a fake, sometimes people though do not say the full truth because they do not know how other people will react. They do not want to feel vulnerable again. To feel rejection, because when we feel rejection it does hurt. I cry many of times. We as humans, we want to know and have some type of control. But in love there is no selfish control.
Love is an inward motivation and outward reflection especially in 1 Corinthians 13. I am not some love doctor, I might not totally understand love. But that is okay because I want my actions over all to reflect Christ's teaching. It is hard, I will not deny it, I can not do it on my own but need the Holy Spirit to do the mending, the molding and the guiding. But do not expect a non-Christian to totally understand love, though it has been a debatable topic especially at my college. But when there Holy Spirit is there molding a believer they are something different. Even we as Christians I know do not have it all right at times. Sometimes our motivates were not be hurtful but our actions were. Thus I do believe that is when we need to feel more close with the Spirit so He can point that out to us.
I refuse to give up on love. Especially when I was told am I not attractive, or smart enough. You can have all the great physical features, but to have a heart of gold and is selfless that is something rare.
To me Love to me is sticking by a person when everything is going down the drain. Love is delighting in hearing great news and celebrating with them. Love is to show compassion to others who are in need. Love is when someone says mean things, that you do not but respond with words of hope and compassion. I might not have it completely right though, I am again not a perfect guy.
I refuse to give up on love. I know what it feels like to be lonely and just nobody cares but I have felt God's presence to make me feel I am not alone. I am an only child and do not have much of a family right now, whatever is left of them I do love them. But I have felt his love encourage my heart to move on even when I feel it is so vulnerable and hurt. I think of Christ's sacrifice and how that was out of love for humanity. He could of had angels to save him, but did not.
Also, I have seen how God provided people in my life to encourage me.
About giving you heart, yeah it does stink to open yourself to be vulnerable like that. This goes back I remember what Rob Bell wrote in his book Sex God--chapter she ran into the bathroom. He wrote that when we feel heart broken, God understands that feeling. He reaches out to humanity with a cure to save them, but many of them want to continue drinking the poison that hurts them. Here is God saying, I love you and want have a relationship with again, lets fix this brokeness, some again go to God, others will run off crying.
Love gives people a choice, if we do not give people a choice then it is not true love. It is a choice that person makes not me, love gives people that power control, you do not hold it yourself.
I hope some of this makes sense, maybe it does, maybe it does not. I am not perfect or sometype of a love doctor. I refuse to give in to what society thinks about love (all about physical attraction). I refuse to become a male that looks a female just as an object to fill his craving. I want to be different, I want to be the change. I might not get it right at times with words I say to help others or might not have experience like those have with relationships. But I want to be the difference that gives God the glory. I will try
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Simple dream (rough copy)
Honey, honey my sugar one
ah oh
I love you ever so
You make my skip a few beats
Your eyes locked next to mine
As my name rolls off those lips of yours
A smile is formed across mine
With the words we say
Building memories with each other
The serious chats, faith, theology, and goofiness
Your hands locked into mine
Feeling your fingers around mine
As I lightly squeeze yours as we walk along throughout time
Letting you know, I appreciate you throughout this moment.
You are a truly God's blessing
Though I have not met you
But one day I will change
I just can not wait for that day
ah oh
I love you ever so
You make my skip a few beats
Your eyes locked next to mine
As my name rolls off those lips of yours
A smile is formed across mine
With the words we say
Building memories with each other
The serious chats, faith, theology, and goofiness
Your hands locked into mine
Feeling your fingers around mine
As I lightly squeeze yours as we walk along throughout time
Letting you know, I appreciate you throughout this moment.
You are a truly God's blessing
Though I have not met you
But one day I will change
I just can not wait for that day
Welcome to the Family
***I know this might be a weird post but it is already, because it is clean.
A few posts ago, I wrote a poem about my first Truck, Miss Green. Yesterday she was officially traded it. A part of me really did not want to trade her in, but it would cost more to fix the Knock Rod than trading it in. It would have costed to fix other parts up to 8,000 and that is money I can not just put into on a 1998 Pick Up, after last year putting in 1,200. Time to get a vehicle that will be more reliable. I know it is just a machine, but I had many great memories in that truck, it has been very dependable expect for the last year and half it started to act up. But during all travels she was great. Thank you Miss Mean Green for your great service to the family.
Now a semi-new Truck comes into the family, I could have gotten a Mustang, but decided that it can wait. A truck right now will be flexiable within my life. Who knows with my job I might left after three years and going somewhere else.
Thus...the 2010 F-150 XLT Super Cab Pick up will now join the family and her name is Miss Felicia. I am looking forward to the opprontunity to be driving her and who knows what memories will be made in this Truck. I do not know why her previous owner traded her in, but she has a clean car fax and looks really good. So...Miss Felicia, welcome to the family. :)
My prayer is that this Truck with God's guidance will bring many safe travels and great new memories made. Who knows this Truck might be the vehicle where for the first time a girl will sit in (besides having first girl friend). I have yet to drive with a girl in the passenger seat, I know kind fo weird right, but God has yet to bring somebody in my life that likes me that way. This might be the truck where memories of driving my own family might be in? Only God knows. But again, welcome to the family Miss Felicia. :) I will do my best along with my dad to take great care of you. Do not worry, as long as I am working in Alaska, you will not be seeing any snow and salt...I hope.
A few posts ago, I wrote a poem about my first Truck, Miss Green. Yesterday she was officially traded it. A part of me really did not want to trade her in, but it would cost more to fix the Knock Rod than trading it in. It would have costed to fix other parts up to 8,000 and that is money I can not just put into on a 1998 Pick Up, after last year putting in 1,200. Time to get a vehicle that will be more reliable. I know it is just a machine, but I had many great memories in that truck, it has been very dependable expect for the last year and half it started to act up. But during all travels she was great. Thank you Miss Mean Green for your great service to the family.
Now a semi-new Truck comes into the family, I could have gotten a Mustang, but decided that it can wait. A truck right now will be flexiable within my life. Who knows with my job I might left after three years and going somewhere else.
Thus...the 2010 F-150 XLT Super Cab Pick up will now join the family and her name is Miss Felicia. I am looking forward to the opprontunity to be driving her and who knows what memories will be made in this Truck. I do not know why her previous owner traded her in, but she has a clean car fax and looks really good. So...Miss Felicia, welcome to the family. :)
My prayer is that this Truck with God's guidance will bring many safe travels and great new memories made. Who knows this Truck might be the vehicle where for the first time a girl will sit in (besides having first girl friend). I have yet to drive with a girl in the passenger seat, I know kind fo weird right, but God has yet to bring somebody in my life that likes me that way. This might be the truck where memories of driving my own family might be in? Only God knows. But again, welcome to the family Miss Felicia. :) I will do my best along with my dad to take great care of you. Do not worry, as long as I am working in Alaska, you will not be seeing any snow and salt...I hope.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Tribute to Miss Mean Green
*Wrote this on my facebook a like a week ago and decided to post it on here. I updated it too..
Miss Mean Green
That was your name
You were a tough Old girl
For a Ford anyway
I remember the day when we first got you home
My dad groaned a thought of leaving you back home
You were Eager to be driven but no can do, you came a bit early
Cause the next day we were flying to Florida all dad wanted to say was ah foowy
Throughout the years by God's grace you served the family well
Bringing over new furniture, clothes, electronics, gas grills, shrubs and top soil
You were very useful to use that is for sure
Going to Canada there back throughout the past few years
Especially taking me up to Bethany during my freshmen year
That was a big haul for you
But safe journeys is all we had with you
Never once did you break down on the road
You held your own well even in the snow
Thank you God for all the safety and guidance in you, so you know.
All the Saturday running around in you dad and I
Sometimes my mom joined us during as well
Manytimes dad drove you alone going to work and back
but either way you were great truck, one of the best dad has ever had
Can I say more?
All the heart to heart chats, laughs and tears dad, and I had in you
All the other times I vented out my thoughts about the day
From my internship to football
Or singing out loud driving you around
And all the times joking about how little cars were at our mercy
Especially those punch bugs and pint size little cars
So much memories in you, but they will never be gone completely
When I graduated from college dad gave me you
You were my first vehicle, I promised I would take care of you
I enjoyed those hot summer days
Music blaring loud while cleaning you from insides and out
Even during times of waking up really early
Helping dad give you your annual three coat of wax before the fall
You are still solid within the frame, body and floor boards
But need a new heart and I just could not afford it
Big is beautiful!
And we got many complements about you
Overall you still look great for 1998
I promise myself I would not cry writing this about you
Cause you are just a machine a vehicle people can say
And driving is all your job is to do
But I am sentimental in everyway
Don't get me wrong I do value human life more than a truck
But you were part of the family for 14 years
I do not care what other people had to say
In earlier years when they bashed about fords, I would point to you
They would clam up and shut up after viewing you
And just recently causing us some headaches
But what can we do, not many 1998's are still in Buffalo that could be compared with you
But soon it is time to say goodbye
I wish you could have gone out in a better way with us
But I am not able to take care of you anymore
A new (2010) F-150 is coming will be my next one
But you will always be known as my first vehicle
I wish you best of luck to where ever you will go
So thank you dad for taking care of Mean Green
For me when I was gone
Teaching me some of the things to do
She would not have lasted this long if it was not for you
Miss Mean Green
That was your name
You were a tough Old girl
For a Ford anyway
I remember the day when we first got you home
My dad groaned a thought of leaving you back home
You were Eager to be driven but no can do, you came a bit early
Cause the next day we were flying to Florida all dad wanted to say was ah foowy
Throughout the years by God's grace you served the family well
Bringing over new furniture, clothes, electronics, gas grills, shrubs and top soil
You were very useful to use that is for sure
Going to Canada there back throughout the past few years
Especially taking me up to Bethany during my freshmen year
That was a big haul for you
But safe journeys is all we had with you
Never once did you break down on the road
You held your own well even in the snow
Thank you God for all the safety and guidance in you, so you know.
All the Saturday running around in you dad and I
Sometimes my mom joined us during as well
Manytimes dad drove you alone going to work and back
but either way you were great truck, one of the best dad has ever had
Can I say more?
All the heart to heart chats, laughs and tears dad, and I had in you
All the other times I vented out my thoughts about the day
From my internship to football
Or singing out loud driving you around
And all the times joking about how little cars were at our mercy
Especially those punch bugs and pint size little cars
So much memories in you, but they will never be gone completely
When I graduated from college dad gave me you
You were my first vehicle, I promised I would take care of you
I enjoyed those hot summer days
Music blaring loud while cleaning you from insides and out
Even during times of waking up really early
Helping dad give you your annual three coat of wax before the fall
You are still solid within the frame, body and floor boards
But need a new heart and I just could not afford it
Big is beautiful!
And we got many complements about you
Overall you still look great for 1998
I promise myself I would not cry writing this about you
Cause you are just a machine a vehicle people can say
And driving is all your job is to do
But I am sentimental in everyway
Don't get me wrong I do value human life more than a truck
But you were part of the family for 14 years
I do not care what other people had to say
In earlier years when they bashed about fords, I would point to you
They would clam up and shut up after viewing you
And just recently causing us some headaches
But what can we do, not many 1998's are still in Buffalo that could be compared with you
But soon it is time to say goodbye
I wish you could have gone out in a better way with us
But I am not able to take care of you anymore
A new (2010) F-150 is coming will be my next one
But you will always be known as my first vehicle
I wish you best of luck to where ever you will go
So thank you dad for taking care of Mean Green
For me when I was gone
Teaching me some of the things to do
She would not have lasted this long if it was not for you
Monday, April 4, 2011
Favorite song as of now
I really enjoy this song written by Emery. Maybe I like this song more because Devin is singing in it. But I do like how they told a small story. That is one thing I do like about Emery they tell stories and some of the times it is about something within their lives or they saw. There is no screaming in this song, which is fine.
Band: Emery
Song: Crumbling
I fell in love with the world
(She gave me) everything that I deserve
(I had) all that I wanted and more, right in my hands
(Some things just never last)
She ran away with the sun
(I guess) the moon and the stars must have followed along
'Cause I'm here in the cold and the dark until she returns
(Lie because the truth really hurts)
Oh, the universe is crumbling tonight
Oh, and I'm not sure if we can survive
Oh, you left me here with nothing at all
With my back against the wall
The crooks and the priests, they all gather around
They tie up my hands, but they won't hear me "Ow!"
No I’m not the one, I’m not the one to blame
(They will murder me just the same)
She hung her promises, I took the bait
She sold us out just for fortune and fame
No she’s not the one, she’s not the one to save
(We’re the fools that fell into her game)
Oh, the universe is crumbling tonight
Oh, and I’m not sure if we can survive
Oh, you left me here with nothing at all
With my back against the wall
Oh, the universe is crumbling tonight
Oh, and I’m not sure if we can survive
Oh, you left me here with nothing at all
With my back against the wall
So is this what it takes to separate the craving from the purpose?
Measured by success and not the motives of the heart
And we are crushed beneath the weight of all
the pressure that is put on our shoulders but
We could be honest, confess our weakness
Give up our innocence for the blame
We could be saved…
Band: Emery
Song: Crumbling
I fell in love with the world
(She gave me) everything that I deserve
(I had) all that I wanted and more, right in my hands
(Some things just never last)
She ran away with the sun
(I guess) the moon and the stars must have followed along
'Cause I'm here in the cold and the dark until she returns
(Lie because the truth really hurts)
Oh, the universe is crumbling tonight
Oh, and I'm not sure if we can survive
Oh, you left me here with nothing at all
With my back against the wall
The crooks and the priests, they all gather around
They tie up my hands, but they won't hear me "Ow!"
No I’m not the one, I’m not the one to blame
(They will murder me just the same)
She hung her promises, I took the bait
She sold us out just for fortune and fame
No she’s not the one, she’s not the one to save
(We’re the fools that fell into her game)
Oh, the universe is crumbling tonight
Oh, and I’m not sure if we can survive
Oh, you left me here with nothing at all
With my back against the wall
Oh, the universe is crumbling tonight
Oh, and I’m not sure if we can survive
Oh, you left me here with nothing at all
With my back against the wall
So is this what it takes to separate the craving from the purpose?
Measured by success and not the motives of the heart
And we are crushed beneath the weight of all
the pressure that is put on our shoulders but
We could be honest, confess our weakness
Give up our innocence for the blame
We could be saved…
Friday, April 1, 2011
Leaving it silent
Poem/ writing that was done around February 16, 2009
Looking at your picture
Memories come to my mind
Times I perused you
But I ended up to exhausted to continue the chase
I wanted to continue run on
But it just seemed you were getting farther and farther
You just did not want to care but was crying out for somebody to care
I was willing to do what ever it took
To cross to the other side of the treacherous river
But you turned your back and walked away
Willing to slay the dragon
But gave me no cries for help
I was willing to do whatever it took
But all my actions were like words falling upon a deaf man's ears
So I gave up and moving on
For there will be a somebody out there
That would appreciate the effort I would bring
She would look at me as a
-Friend
-Spiritual sharpener (iron sharpens iron)
-Companion--helper
-Funny Buddy
-A shoulder to cry upon
and a Lover
Looking at your picture
Memories come to my mind
Times I perused you
But I ended up to exhausted to continue the chase
I wanted to continue run on
But it just seemed you were getting farther and farther
You just did not want to care but was crying out for somebody to care
I was willing to do what ever it took
To cross to the other side of the treacherous river
But you turned your back and walked away
Willing to slay the dragon
But gave me no cries for help
I was willing to do whatever it took
But all my actions were like words falling upon a deaf man's ears
So I gave up and moving on
For there will be a somebody out there
That would appreciate the effort I would bring
She would look at me as a
-Friend
-Spiritual sharpener (iron sharpens iron)
-Companion--helper
-Funny Buddy
-A shoulder to cry upon
and a Lover
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