So yeah...

It has been a while since I posted something.  Just want to say life is going well.  I love chatting with my girlfriend-Jenn.  The more we chat the more I feel drawn to her every single day.  It is a blessing to have somebody you care about to talk to, read, watch videos and be goofy with.  Somebody that loves you and cares for you as the person God made you.  I am looking forward to be seeing her real soon--really excited.  :) I love her very much. 

I have not been playing much video gaming.  But when I do I try to rock it out.  Pretty much I only play now is Halo Reach.  Kind of weird I know, just do not play as much.  The weather is nice from time to time.  Well I am enjoying this cloudy and rainy weather.  But it would be nice to have some sun so I can do some exercising out in it.  I need to tan up and I refuse to go to tanning places.  

I am enjoying driving my Truck, but do not drive much because I do not like driving alone and going to places alone.  Last Saturday dad and I washed and waxed Felicia (name of my Truck).  Few weeks from now I will wax her again with using a better wax then third time use black magic wax.  Then before I leave I will need to toss Felicia into storage for the Fall, winter and part of Spring.  Reason I do this because I will be back in Alaska.  

Football is still under a lockout!  Oh darn, but looks like though there is a chance early July they might have a new collective bargaining agreement.  Hurray!   I mean without NFL football that means I would not be doing my Carolina Panthers game day stuff. 

That is it for now.  :)  Peace out.

-Anthony

Just the wow to me

When I see her face on the screen
I do not know what to really say
English language has come to fail me almost every single day
She has wonderful smile and cheeks that are just like mine
Her long hair is beautiful along with that nose
Oh heck what I should say is she is beautiful from head to toe
I love her ever so, and its not a sin or a crime
Cause God put her into my life at the exact time


How I long to see her face to face
Even just to hear her voice
Video chatting will do no justice to how she looks face to face
I love this girl not because of her looks she has

But the way she thinks and cares for me
She encourages me as I attempt to lose some weight
Dang you Alaska winters making me dread I should not had those cakes

She even thinks I am handsome
A complement I do not get from women other than my mom, aunt or grandma
I know she loves me for the personality and character I carry; I'm her nice gentleman.

So let it be written and known
She is not an obligation of some kind of degree
But I look forward to any interaction with her indeed
From voice to video

She makes my heart smile and does my face
With any kind of interaction with her is wonderful to me

I love her ever so
I want to be the best boyfriend she ever had
I am willing to do what it takes to stand beside her
Continually to be that special man for her
Cause again, I must say I simple love and adore her

-Anthony

To the girl I love part 2

Hope you know and realize how much you mean to me
You are my girl that I adore ever so completely
I say prayers which you are in
Love, comfort, strength and safety is that I pray for you
There is a verse in the Bible that I recite and use every now and then
"May the Lord keep watch between you and me when we are away from each other"
That is what it reads and if you are wondering where is at
It is in Genesis 31:49 there is more I have to say

You are in my mind throughout the day
There is no other girl I want to stand beside with on any given day
I love you and care what makes you, you.
After all I want to be supportive to you

I care what is on your mind, and what you are going through
When things are rough, I want to hug/ cuddle and just be with you
Be that ear you can talk to, be the man that will comfort you
When things are right and sunny I want to smile and laugh along with you
That is how much you mean to me I very much do love you

I look forward to what God has instore between me and you
Always know that I love and think of you my wonderful girl


Your chipmunk cheek man,

Anthony

To the girl I love

If you are reading this
Want you to know
I care and love you ever so much


You put a smile upon my face
Like the sunshine throughout the day
How I love to hear your voice
I just love you so much in that way
Your personality interacts with mine
I enjoyed our jokes and serious talks we have all the time

I always look forward can interact with you
Cause you are mine and I'm yours

Love,

Anthony

Hey!

Just want to say the semester is winding down to a close.  Still got much cleaning and packing to do.  I still got plenty of time in getting it all done.  :)  Just looking forward to heading home.

This year has been so far a year of changes for me.  Got a new Truck, Miss Felicia which I have yet to drive.  I feel bad for Felicia that she is waiting for me.  lol.  I know it is not good to leave a girl waiting.  lol.  :) 

The Carolina Panthers have gotten a pretty big face lift within the organization.  Just hope Newton will turn out well for Carolina.  Part of me still believes Jimmy can do the job though.  I hope somehow Steve Smith will still stay with the team.  :( 

I have been chatting with a girl and all I can say (knock on wood) we have been hitting it off.  I want to see her this summer.  There is a chance I can be not single anymore which would be a first for me. 

Now my mom is looking for a vehicle for herself since Samson the second will be leaving the family.    

So yes, this year has been a year of change.   I am excited for it and looking to see how this change will play into my life.  Sorry for not updating my blog as much.  Been a bit busy. 

Blessings,

Anthony

The end is near?

No I am not meaning the end of the world is coming.  But if you want me to play the sterotypical, Oh my goodness the End of the World is going to come, repent ye sinner, repent...ummm no thank you.  When I mean the end is near because the fact is the school year is almost done.  Hurray right?  Well I start traveling home around May 25 but possibly will not be back at home until very early like 12am on the 27th.  I will be spending the night in Fairbanks on the 25th but will be leaving really early on the 26th.  Oh well, I will take advantage of the fast internet and nice comfy bed.  Well not sure.. maybe I should not so I can sleep on the plane.  :)

But yet when when I think about it, the end is not the end.  Yes, I know that is album from one of my favorite bands called House of Heroes.  Which is true when my summer vacation begins who knows what new adventures that will be in it.  I am kind of excited, because part of me wants to do some traveling but all depends how much I have left in my savings.  Buying that truck and insurance going up a bit because I have a semi-new truck took a good chunk of my savings away.  But it is all good, during the next school year I will be able to re-coop it.  :)

 Yeah this school year was a bit tough, dealing with some situations I did not deal with from last school year.  But God is Good.  :)  I feel like I have grown closer to God this year and connected with some pretty awesome guys, especially those in my community.  As much as I am a excited for all the new changes that will be happening at the job.  I will be looking forward to having the time off. 

I am not sure should I really get a cellphone or not.  I would like to but not sure.  If I do get a cellphone it might be around the end of the summer or just wait until the new iPhone 5 comes out and all the hype does down.  I will have to more likely go with something from AT&T because that is only nationwide coverage that is around here but same time, it can be laggy.  I have gone this far without one, but part of me would like to have one.  Just going to pray about it and see is it something God wants me to really have or not.  Can be practical yeah a bit.  But coverage here is not like back at home.  When somebody wants to chat with me there or say anything there will be like 3-5 second time delay.  Really worth it to spend that kind of money a month on something can not really fully enjoy especially when data plan does not really exist here?  In NY yeah it does but in part of Alaska I am not not so much.  If I send a text message they might get it until couple days or even a week later.  Yikes I know.  But if I connect to the internet without data plan I could send an e-mail faster.  

Take care all sorry for not updating this as much.  I am not burned out from writing.  Just stinks because when I want to write something I am at work and can not do it.  Oh well.  :)

God is good and thanks for Reading

Anthony

Wow...

Well it has been quite a while since I have updated this blog.  Things have been busy a bit and part of me was not sure what to say.   I am not running out on stuff just felt kind of a bit lazy you can say.  I know shame on me right? 

Well a few days ago I turned 25, and felt a bit old saying that.  Blah.  On the bright side being 24 there were some highs and lows, but God was great through it all.  For that I am thankful.  :)  Part of me wonders what would being 25 be like?  Would this be the year I might have my first girl friend?  Would this be the year where Carolina Panthers will do better?  I wonder what new adventures and adversity await for being 25.  I mean 24 felt a bit different and more challenging of a year than 23.  So I am excited again to see what being 25 has instore.  :) 

I do have a semi-new truck waiting for me (Felicia) which I am quite excited about.   I heard she is a big girl (big truck) so really excited to see her in person.  :)   The plan is only use the Truck during tim back within summer break then toss it into storage a month later (dad will).  Thus when the day comes for me to leave Alaska, and I will be living somewhere else, the truck will still be a bit young and dependable.  :)  After all I was blessed enough to pay for it cash, did not have to take out any loans.  But my saving sure did take a hit.  But with time I will resave back up.  The though stands is that if I do not have a girl within 2 years, I might get a Mustang GT.  Only God knows the future and that is a good thing too. :) 

Also, a month from now I should be home I believe, that is kind of exciting.  I do enjoy my job, but I do miss civilization.  I do miss hanging around with people my age and talking.   I miss some of the restaurants.  :(  Oh how I am looking forward to be having Buffalo chicken wings.  lol.  I am looking forward to be helping out around the house.  Especially cutting the grass and washing the vehicles.  :) 

Spiritually, I am feeling, I am doing pretty good.  I am in the book of Leviticus.  I am trying to take things slow studying the books of the Pentateuch and just allowing God to work within me what He wants to do. 

Well, I hope everybody is having a great day when reading this.  :) 

Blessings,

Anthony  :) 

from her eyes: a prostitute's perspective

from her eyes: a prostitute's perspective

This is from a friend that is being used by God in powerful way. My heart goes out to these kind of women. Wondered what made them really to get into this industry? How can they be rescued out of it. I know God can save them!

Just saying

I know many people that read my entries, some of them might sound a bit of helpless romantic.  I might be a bit yeah, but thing is I am not the kind of guy that wants to rush into a relationship.  I do believe within everything it should start as friends and within that friendship God is the center of it.  Within time if they really like each other then go for it.  I disagree with society's view point of fast food like relationships. 

I want the relationship be taken care of like a big turkey dinner.   It takes quite a bit of time and energy to the whole thing but it is more filling and substancial.  But it is time that you two really get to know each other.  There will be times of joy you will grow closer to God and each other.  Also, there will be hard times but through the hard times it will allow us to grow closer to God and to each other. 

I hope I am making much sense... maybe so or maybe not.

Till next time.

-Anthony

Not giving up

 A friend wrote to me that they just want to give up on love and everybody is a fake.  This was my response back.  It is a bit scattered writings a bit, I have to admit.  lol.  But hey at least I did not do the normal Christian thing writing, well I will pray for you and keep your head up.



Not true...and I am sorry you feel that way, I might not totally understand what you are writing about because I do not know the situation.  Hence I will try and not say I understand what you are going through because I do not.  

I believe in love and it does hold together and does not whither away.  Though I will admit I kind of wonder where is that girl out there for me, but I know there is more to love than just guy and girl. People might say what about saying love for money, ah but when you think of it is it really pure? When I think of love I will have to compare it to 1 Corinthians 13.  Write more about that a bit later.

What happens is that we do live in a fallen world, and the after affects of it is there. We do want to seek somebody genuine out there. But always know that, there will be some flaws in others, just as much there are flaws in us.  I will admit I am not Mr. Perfect.  I am far from it. 

Not everybody is a fake, sometimes people though do not say the full truth because they do not know how other people will react. They do not want to feel vulnerable again. To feel rejection, because when we feel rejection it does hurt. I cry many of times. We as humans, we want to know and have some type of control. But in love there is no selfish control.

Love is an inward motivation and outward reflection especially in 1 Corinthians 13. I am not some love doctor, I might not totally understand love. But that is okay because I want my actions over all to reflect Christ's teaching. It is hard, I will not deny it, I can not do it on my own but need the Holy Spirit to do the mending, the molding and the guiding. But do not expect a non-Christian to totally understand love, though it has been a debatable topic especially at my college. But when there Holy Spirit is there molding a believer they are something different. Even we as Christians I know do not have it all right at times. Sometimes our motivates were not be hurtful but our actions were. Thus I do believe that is when we need to feel more close with the Spirit so He can point that out to us.

I refuse to give up on love. Especially when I was told am I not attractive, or smart enough. You can have all the great physical features, but to have a heart of gold and is selfless that is something rare.

To me Love to me is sticking by a person when everything is going down the drain. Love is delighting in hearing great news and celebrating with them. Love is to show compassion to others who are in need. Love is when someone says mean things, that you do not but respond with words of hope and compassion. I might not have it completely right though, I am again not a perfect guy.

I refuse to give up on love. I know what it feels like to be lonely and just nobody cares but I have felt God's presence to make me feel I am not alone.  I am an only child and do not have much of a family right now, whatever is left of them I do love them.  But I have felt his love encourage my heart to move on even when I feel it is so vulnerable and hurt. I think of Christ's sacrifice and how that was out of love for humanity. He could of had angels to save him, but did not.

Also, I have seen how God provided people in my life to encourage me.  

About giving you heart, yeah it does stink to open yourself to be vulnerable like that. This goes back I remember what Rob Bell wrote in his book Sex God--chapter she ran into the bathroom. He wrote that when we feel heart broken, God understands that feeling. He reaches out to humanity with a cure to save them, but many of them want to continue drinking the poison that hurts them. Here is God saying, I love you and want have a relationship with again, lets fix this brokeness, some again go to God, others will run off crying.

Love gives people a choice, if we do not give people a choice then it is not true love. It is a choice that person makes not me, love gives people that power control, you do not hold it yourself.

I hope some of this makes sense, maybe it does, maybe it does not. I am not perfect or sometype of a love doctor.  I refuse to give in to what society thinks about love (all about physical attraction).  I refuse to become a male that looks a female just as an object to fill his craving.  I want to be different, I want to be the change. I might not get it right at times with words I say to help others or might not have experience like those have with relationships.  But I want to be the difference that gives God the glory.   I will try

Simple dream (rough copy)

Honey, honey my sugar one
ah oh
I love you ever so
You make my skip a few beats

Your eyes locked next to mine
As my name rolls off those lips of yours
A smile is formed across mine

With the words we say
Building memories with each other
The serious chats, faith, theology, and goofiness

Your hands locked into mine
Feeling your fingers around mine
As I lightly squeeze yours as we walk along throughout time
Letting you know, I appreciate you throughout this moment. 

You are a truly God's blessing
Though I have not met you
But one day I will change
I just can not wait for that day

Welcome to the Family

***I know this might be a weird post but it is already, because it is clean.  

A few posts ago, I wrote a poem about my first Truck, Miss Green.  Yesterday she was officially traded it.  A part of me really did not want to trade her in, but it would cost more to fix the Knock Rod than trading it in.  It would have costed to fix other parts up to 8,000 and that is money I can not just put into on a 1998 Pick Up, after last year putting in 1,200.  Time to get a vehicle that will be more reliable.  I know it is just a machine, but I had many great memories in that truck, it has been very dependable expect for the last year and half it started to act up.  But during all travels she was great.  Thank you Miss Mean Green for your great service to the family. 

 Now a semi-new Truck comes into the family, I could have gotten a Mustang, but decided that it can wait.  A truck right now will be flexiable within my life.  Who knows with my job I might left after three years and going somewhere else.

  Thus...the 2010 F-150 XLT Super Cab Pick up will now join the family and her name is Miss Felicia.  I am looking forward to the opprontunity to be driving her and who knows what memories will be made in this Truck.  I do not know why her previous owner traded her in, but she has a clean car fax and looks really good.  So...Miss Felicia, welcome to the family.  :) 

  My prayer is that this Truck with God's guidance will bring many safe travels and great new memories made.  Who knows this Truck might be the vehicle where for the first time a girl will sit in (besides having first girl friend).  I have yet to drive with a girl in the passenger seat, I know kind fo weird right, but God has yet to bring somebody in my life that likes me that way.  This might be the truck where memories of driving my own family might be in?  Only God knows.   But again, welcome to the family Miss Felicia.  :)  I will do my best along with my dad to take great care of you.  Do not worry, as long as I am working in Alaska, you will not be seeing any snow and salt...I hope. 

Tribute to Miss Mean Green

*Wrote this on my facebook a like a week ago and decided to post it on here.   I updated it too..

Miss Mean Green
That was your name
You were a tough Old girl
For a Ford anyway

I remember the day when we first got you home
My dad groaned a thought of leaving you back home
You were Eager to be driven but no can do, you came a bit early
Cause the next day we were flying to Florida all dad wanted to say was ah foowy

Throughout the years by God's grace you served the family well
Bringing over new furniture, clothes, electronics, gas grills, shrubs and top soil
You were very useful to use that is for sure
Going to Canada there back throughout the past few years
Especially taking me up to Bethany during my freshmen year
That was a big haul for you
But safe journeys is all we had with you
Never once did you break down on the road
You held your own well even in the snow
Thank you God for all the safety and guidance in you, so you know.

All the Saturday running around in you dad and I
Sometimes my mom joined us during as well
Manytimes dad drove you alone going to work and back
but either way you were great truck, one of the best dad has ever had
Can I say more?

All the heart to heart chats, laughs and tears dad, and I had in you
All the other times I vented out my thoughts about the day
From my internship to football
Or singing out loud driving you around
And all the times joking about how little cars were at our mercy
Especially those punch bugs and pint size little cars
So much memories in you, but they will never be gone completely

When I graduated from college dad gave me you
You were my first vehicle, I promised I would take care of you
I enjoyed those hot summer days
Music blaring loud while cleaning you from insides and out
Even during times of waking up really early
Helping dad give you your annual three coat of wax before the fall
You are still solid within the frame, body and floor boards
But need a new heart and I just could not afford it

Big is beautiful! 
And we got many complements about you
Overall you still look great for 1998

I promise myself I would not cry writing this about you
Cause you are just a machine a vehicle people can say
And driving is all your job is to do

But I am sentimental in everyway
Don't get me wrong I do value human life more than a truck
But you were part of the family for 14 years
I do not care what other people had to say
In earlier years when they bashed about fords, I would point to you
They would clam up and shut up after viewing you
And just recently causing us some headaches
But what can we do, not many 1998's are still in Buffalo that could be compared with you

But soon it is time to say goodbye
I wish you could have gone out in a better way with us
But I am not able to take care of you anymore
A new (2010) F-150 is coming will be my next one
But you will always be known as my first vehicle
I wish you best of luck to where ever you will go

So thank you dad for taking care of Mean Green
For me when I was gone
Teaching me some of the things to do
She would not have lasted this long if it was not for you

Favorite song as of now

I really enjoy this song written by Emery.  Maybe I like this song more because Devin is singing in it.  But I do like how they told a small story.  That is one thing I do like about Emery they tell stories and some of the times it is about something within their lives or they saw.  There is no screaming in this song, which is fine. 

Band:  Emery
Song:  Crumbling

I fell in love with the world
(She gave me) everything that I deserve
(I had) all that I wanted and more, right in my hands
(Some things just never last)
She ran away with the sun
(I guess) the moon and the stars must have followed along
'Cause I'm here in the cold and the dark until she returns
(Lie because the truth really hurts)

Oh, the universe is crumbling tonight
Oh, and I'm not sure if we can survive
Oh, you left me here with nothing at all
With my back against the wall

The crooks and the priests, they all gather around
They tie up my hands, but they won't hear me "Ow!"
No I’m not the one, I’m not the one to blame
(They will murder me just the same)
She hung her promises, I took the bait
She sold us out just for fortune and fame
No she’s not the one, she’s not the one to save
(We’re the fools that fell into her game)

Oh, the universe is crumbling tonight
Oh, and I’m not sure if we can survive
Oh, you left me here with nothing at all
With my back against the wall
Oh, the universe is crumbling tonight
Oh, and I’m not sure if we can survive
Oh, you left me here with nothing at all
With my back against the wall

So is this what it takes to separate the craving from the purpose?
Measured by success and not the motives of the heart
And we are crushed beneath the weight of all
the pressure that is put on our shoulders but
We could be honest, confess our weakness
Give up our innocence for the blame
We could be saved…

Leaving it silent

Poem/ writing that was done around   February 16, 2009

Looking at your picture
Memories come to my mind
Times I perused you
But I ended up to exhausted to continue the chase

I wanted to continue run on
But it just seemed you were getting farther and farther
You just did not want to care but was crying out for somebody to care

I was willing to do what ever it took
To cross to the other side of the treacherous river
But you turned your back and walked away
Willing to slay the dragon
But gave me no cries for help
I was willing to do whatever it took
But all my actions were like words falling upon a deaf man's ears

So I gave up and moving on

For there will be a somebody out there
That would appreciate the effort I would bring
She would look at me as a
-Friend
-Spiritual sharpener (iron sharpens iron)
-Companion--helper
-Funny Buddy
-A shoulder to cry upon
and a Lover

Watch it Little Red.

*Reason I wrote this because in the Bible there is talk about how guys should watch out for adultress and just think there should be something about women beware of the adulterer.  I am not trying to create an addition to the Bible.  Just want to write something.*


Run, I tell you run
Turn your head and look the other way
His eyes are not what they seem
Beautiful on the outside, seductive on the inside 

In his mind he thinks of clever words to say
To draw you to him
Watch the smile and words that come out
Trying to press the right buttons to turn your emotions against you
Don't be believe the sugar coated words, they are heavily salted.  


His mind & imagination runs wild and free
Imagination what you would look to him all exposed
How would great it would be with you
Purity is a word not in his own dictionary 
Fulfilling his Pleasing and desires
That is what is on his mind and thoughts


BE WARE little girl, he is wolf 
Can you sense the Spirit telling you don't go
Be strong in your faith and do not allow him to win
Know there is somebody that will not pressure you
That would admire you for your personality

Sigh

  A friend sent a message a while ago commenting how she was sick and tired of guys.  They are gross, and disgusting.  Kind of agree with her on how some males can be disgusting especially when they do not wash their hands with soap and water after using the bathroom, especially when they have girl friends.  Eewwww, right?  

  But it is kind of dis-hearting to read a message from a friend.  Cause deep down though you did nothing wrong you feel bad about it.   Stuff like that stinks especially when trust was broken between two people.  I wish I could write a letter to the female race saying I am sorry for all the hurt males have caused.  I am not going to use well we are not perfect card so get over it (again not going to use that).  But not all guys plan to hurt someone and do it intentionally.  I do believe especially in a Christians life, the Holy Spirit is there to help correct them when they do wrong.  It is important to say your sorry and let your actions be the fruit of your apology. 

  But there are guys out there that are trying their hardest to be men of integrity.  It is hard though can not say it is easy as eating cake (can sure go for some right now).  But I am trying with God's guidance to be a man of God and trustworthy.  My yes to be yes and no to be no.  I try my hardest to keep my eyes, mind and heart pure from the sex, swearing, and drug saturated world we live in.  I only know is that it is God who can ultimately transform me to be something different.  I can not change myself, after all I am just clay and God is the potter.   

  To all the females that have been hurt in the past.  I am sorry and please forgive the male race and even me. 

  

Love is a gamble

Will you take a chance with me
And if so hold my hand
Run with me, as we make it through the land

Darling don't you know my heart is in your hands
Embrace or deflate it is up to you
But don't you know darling
I really like you too

So take a chance
I promise it will not be something you regret
Will you take the chance
I would like to know

Another thought

I can not understand how someone can date a Non-Christian.  I am willing to friends with non-Christians but to date is something different.  I want to know that person if I was dating anybody would be going to heaven.  Though I do want even my friends who do not know God as well to know him.  But when you are getting to know a person that you possibly want to spend rest of your life living with, that is a bit different. 

Maybe I have met you, or maybe I have not.  Just want to know is that I love you future wife and waiting patiently for you.  Have a great day. 

Blessings,

Anthony

Just a thought

In order as Christians to want to Change maybe we should desire to want to be changed by the Holy Spirit.  Maybe it does take us to write it down on our walls, hands, hearts and minds what would in each scenario would be viewed in God's eyes.  Within time it will come natural to think, and act that reflects Christ's image thanks to the Holy Spirit.  We can not be made into Christ's image without Him.  We can not make ourselves become Christ like without God molding us.  Clay can not mold itself, it would need somebody to help mold it. 

Who is molding you?  Is if friends, music, God, family, social media?  What kind of influence do they have?  To the Christians, is it something that is God honoring?